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Is my spouse cheating?

Don't Guess.

Who‘s a Cheater

Recent Cheaters

Below is a list of the most recent cheaters.

Comment Niftygymnast

on 11/30/2016 7:25:03 PM Says

Name The Cheater:

The Comment: He has an STD and is a sex addict. Calls to prostitutes, casual blowjobs from craigslist, etc. Really shocking behavior and forceful in a sexual scenario.

The State: AK

The Area Code:

Comment Spammy45

on 11/30/2016 8:41:40 AM Says

Chris isaac The Cheater:

The Comment:

The State: LA

The Area Code: 504

Comment Lzjelzee

on 11/30/2016 8:19:14 AM Says

Gilbert Aure Perena The Cheater:

The Comment: Dirty sex addict short old man with std is a compulsive liar and born cheater.

The State: AK

The Area Code: 9953

Comment jvargaszmn

on 11/29/2016 9:13:06 PM Says

Amanda Folkestad The Cheater:

The Comment: sleeps with married men. keeps multiple partners at a time. has HPV and doesn't tell anyone.

The State: MN

The Area Code: 320

Comment RevengeSoSweet

on 11/29/2016 1:19:32 PM Says

Carvelle Watkins The Cheater:

The Comment: Carvelle Watkins had an affair with Takedra Lampkin and refuse to help take care of his daughter because Takedra requires his financial help, so he fault hard in the courts to not pay child support but was ordered to do so and payment has yet to be paid. He also threatened to shoot his on daughter for his Mistress

The State:

The Area Code:

Comment Ibonbottom69

on 11/29/2016 12:46:13 PM Says

Layten Barber The Cheater:

The Comment: Layten is a light skinned black guy. Here is tweaker thin and always dressed to kill. Don't trust him or leave him alone with your man. He is a cheating gay slut. Thanks

The State: CA

The Area Code: 909

Comment bellame

on 11/29/2016 12:25:50 AM Says

Derrick Christopher The Cheater:

The Comment: This is my boyfriend of over a year! If hes talking to you, plz let me know. I just got a feeling things arent what they seem anymore.

The State:

The Area Code:

Comment Beforeshecheats

on 11/28/2016 10:13:22 AM Says

Kristin Tatro The Cheater:

The Comment: Kristin Tatro - in the summer of 2016, Kristin Tatro of Manchester NH engaged in an affair with her coworker Tyler Leblanc. She had a live in boyfriend at the time and 2 small children. She engaged in dirty texts, sharing dirty pics, and renting hotel rooms during the work week. She lied to her boyfriend and then left him and his kids for this cheater. She lives in Manchester NH - she is a liar and a cheat. I was a coworker of hers and saw it all happen.

The State: NH

The Area Code: 603

Comment SHolmes315

on 11/28/2016 3:51:45 AM Says

Peter Agostinelli The Cheater:

The Comment: Cheated on his wife with my wife.

The State: MA

The Area Code:

Comment Stephiej02

on 11/28/2016 3:44:27 AM Says

Kristin Sullivan Kowalski The Cheater:

The Comment: She fucks other people husbands while hers works ,at her fathers house 33 Downs Lake Cir. Disgusting cunt stain.

The State:

The Area Code:

Comment pennsylvaniadream

on 11/27/2016 2:10:12 AM Says

Darren Ambler The Cheater:

The Comment: Ladies:

Again Thank you for an Awesome meeting this past week. I think we are getting our point accross to all the Darren Ambler's in the world. If guys like Darren Ambler want to play around- use women for sex toys- sleep with hookers when they feel like it- then the Public will know about it. Again- Jenny is a lawyer who attended the first meeting. She said atleast 3x- Anyone can their story on line or any other forum as long as its true.


Hear that Darren Dear! You have no recourse. Maybe you should have acted like a respectable man instead of a scum bag in heat! What kind of family were you raised in? Typical sex addict out of control behavior. Now everyone knows about it! It's Darren Ambler's own fault. His days of using women to satisfy his sex addiction are done.


It's tramatic for a women when she realizes she was used sexually and abused mentally by an ugly creep like Darren Ambler: I mentioned before I was made aware that Darren will face legal issues in 2017. Serves him right the ugly skinny jerk!


What a loser. Darren is so dense he was being followed by a detective for 4 months and he had no idea. What a freak. I will gladly testify against the jerk which i stated before. If Darren thinks he has any tricks up his sleeve he can forget it. Based on what I and others know. - there are multiple photos of Darren Ambler with his various lovers at various locations. If these losers are called to court Darren will be disgraced. Which i hope he is. based on his multiple sex affairs and his treatment of women and the gross nude pictures- a Judge will yank his kids away so fast he won't know what hit him. I hope he is ready.=====================================================================================================

God- I can't believe that jerk got me into his bed. I feel like a dumb fool. He is disgusting. Still Darren will take no blame for anything. His psycho brain is programmed to blame everyone but himself. A Judge will straighten Darren and his sociopath brain real fast.========================================================

I want and I better get an apology from Darren Ambler. How dare he use women to satisfy his sex addiction?? What an immoral creepy jerk! Hopefully the court will never give the kids back.


Ladies- I have to calm down. There are alot of sociopath dirt bags like Darren Ambler in the world- you just need to be able to recognize them and stay away from them. My conscience is clear because I have told the truth. Darren doesn't know what truth is and doesn't care. He is in "Fantasy Land"! Lies in court can get him purgery charges. He better think about that! ===================================================================================================

I am glad my lawyer brought the slides wit her this past week. Don;t forget if you do use on line dating sites at least you know what "Double Darren" looks like. Double darren is his new nickname- Because he lives a "Double Life"!!


Remember he has used screen names darrennj2 like on OK Cupid and POF. Darren is a moron posting photos on dating site with his kids. He has no common sense- now he is exploiting his poor kids. Anyway- after next meeting i wont post for a while. My new guy and i are taking a trip to Thialand for 16 days. Then of Christmas will be here then New Years. But thanks for all your support.


I am sure dumbo is screwing somebody else right now. I hope he is ...he better get it out of his system. Darren Ambler better never threten me or any woman ever again. He has no place to threaten anyone. He better keep his dumb mouth shut. By the way these naked photos the moron took of himself- it is plain and simple "Lude Conduct" which is an actionable offense. He better watch his boney ass! Happy Holidays Honey!!! Be gentle with Granny she has brittle bones at 63 years old!


The State: NJ

The Area Code: 215

Comment playerhater1

on 11/27/2016 12:57:43 AM Says

Zachariah T Migura The Cheater:

The Comment: Zachariah T. Migura is a rapist. He set up and raped a woman in 2008.

The State: TX

The Area Code: 817/469/214

Comment Kitty Kat

on 11/26/2016 11:53:29 PM Says

Jeffrey Bondoc The Cheater:

The Comment: He is a Narcissist psychopath (narcissistic personality disorder) no cure. Run as fast as you can.

The State: CA

The Area Code: 925

Comment Kitty Kat

on 11/26/2016 11:50:24 PM Says

Jeffrey Bondoc The Cheater:

The Comment: He is a Narcissist psychopath (narcissistic personality disorder) no cure. Run as fast as you can.

The State: CA

The Area Code: 925

Comment pennsylvaniadream

on 11/25/2016 8:46:51 PM Says

Darren  Ambler The Cheater:

The Comment: ladies:

This weeks meeting will be on Wednesday Nov 29th: 2016: Last meeting was great! We accomplished a great deal. Something that my lawyer friend stated: If Darren Ambler is screwing around with Senior citizens and they may technically have a tad of dimentia. This can be considered elder abuse and it is criminal.

Darren Ambler better be careful who he sticks his perverted weenie in from now on. He may find charges against him for elder abuse. The law doesn't cre how desperate Darren Ambler is? No one does.

Stick with hookers your own age Darren Dear! It's safer that way. You don;t want sex with Grandmothers any more. Have a nice holiday you - UGLY SICK PERVERT!!!!!!

The State: NJ

The Area Code: 215

Comment Beforeshecheats

on 11/25/2016 6:52:27 PM Says

Kristin Nichole Tatro The Cheater:

The Comment: Kristin Tatro cheated on her boyfriend with a co-worker over the summer of 2016. She insisted to her boyfriend she was not friends with Tyler Leblanc of Manchester NH. However she engaged in graphic text messages, sent him dirty pictures and rented out hotel rooms over the summer during the week to engage in physical affairs all while telling her boyfriend she was working and that the photos were intended for her boyfriend. She lied to her boyfriend and his 2 young children. She is the lowest of the low. I was a coworker of hers and saw it all happen.

The State: NH

The Area Code: 603

Comment Eboni1993

on 11/25/2016 3:39:59 AM Says

Mautrisa slaughter The Cheater:

The Comment: Mautrisa is cheating on me with ex girlfriend she doesn't call me anymore she is a fuck up person

The State:

The Area Code:

Comment SimonPhoenixhurtingincorona

on 11/24/2016 12:22:45 PM Says

Paul sanfilippo The Cheater:

The Comment: This guy lied and told my wife he was a LAPD turns out he a security guard supervisor.

He used this lie to make himself more than he really is which is a dirty scumbag that preys on children and women that have small children. He is a liar and will talk shit about you while he's trying to fuck your wife and smile in your face knowing what he is doing. This person is total scum with no regard or respect for women or their families and should be punished for his actions. Please share this with the world about Paul Sanfilippo who lives in Corona, ca and is an ugly lying troll.

The State: CA

The Area Code: 951

Comment Babygirl1993

on 11/24/2016 1:55:34 AM Says

Mautrisa slaughter The Cheater:

The Comment: I think Mautrisa is cheating on me

The State:

The Area Code:

Comment Babygirl1993

on 11/24/2016 1:54:47 AM Says

Mautrisa slaughter The Cheater:

The Comment: Talking to other people

The State: CA

The Area Code: 6619746540

Comment Chris Bazzle

on 11/24/2016 12:27:38 AM Says

Chris Bazzle The Cheater:

The Comment: My husband was busted cheating today. He has been married 5 times and will now be divorced 5 times. He loves to play women into thinking he is a great army vet when really he takes you for everything you have then leaves you. He loves to turn in fake military orders to get out of apartment leases. He has a 9 year old son that doesnt see him because he has anger issues. He has been cheating with multiple women at Jack Hanania's dealerships while still sleeping with his wife. stay clear of this lying cheating asshole. He lives in Jacksonville Florida and is from Daytona Beach Florida

The State:

The Area Code:

Comment Adavidson83

on 11/23/2016 7:12:43 PM Says

Blaque Allen Kuchel The Cheater:

The Comment: Blaque abuses women emotionally. He also abuses pets.

The State:

The Area Code:

Comment forhertruths

on 11/23/2016 6:15:19 AM Says

Justin JC Lecaroz The Cheater:

The Comment: https://m.facebook.com/natalie.moehnke?tsid=0.7982629896141589&source=typeahead


The State:

The Area Code:

Comment Shabazz

on 11/23/2016 2:31:29 AM Says

Tammy Lynn Altman The Cheater:

The Comment: Can I have her number?

The State:

The Area Code:

Comment Shabazz

on 11/23/2016 2:29:19 AM Says

Barry Kalinsky The Cheater:

The Comment: Must have been a reason.......

The State:

The Area Code:

Comment pennsylvaniadream

on 11/22/2016 10:52:41 PM Says

Darren Ambler The Cheater:

The Comment: Ladies... Thank you...Our meeting was a huge success tonight! I loved the THEME that Janet made up herself "Don't Screw a Sociopath"! Perfect theme for Darren Ambler: Freedom of Speech is a wonderful thing! Especially when everything I said is true! Darren Knows it's true too! Actually- my lawyer friend was happy to attend. I hope she helped answer any questions ===============================================================================================================.................... Joanna said at least 3x tonight- When a man uses a female for sex and humiliates and exploits her- we have every right too tell our story to the world! Too bad if Darren Ambler doesn't like it-We don't like Darren Ambler- Our answer to all the Darren Ambler's in the world is- THEN DON'T DO IT- IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE EXPOSED....GET ANOTHER HOBBY OTHER THAN SLEEPING WITH WOMEN TO SATISFY YOUR SICK SEXUAL COMPULSIONS! GUYS CAN RUIN THEIR REPUTATIONS BY THEIR ACTIONS ALSO!! =============================================================================================================== **ALWAYS REMEMBER IF YOU POST SOMETHING OR REPEAT SOMETHING ABOUT ANOTHER PERSON- EVEN IF IT HURTS THEIR REPUTATION AND DAMAGES CERTAIN AREAS OF THEIR LIFE PERMANENTLY- IF THE STATEMENTS ARE TRUE- THEIR IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING THE PERSON CAN DO LEGALLY OR OTHERWISE- SO A GOOD PIECE OF ADVICE "THINK BEFORE YOU ACT".. IT MAY COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU FOR MANY YEARS TO COME!!! FACE UP TO OUR WRONGS AND STOP BLAMING EVERYONE ELSE FOR OUR WRONGFUL ACTUIONS.....NO ONE WANTS TO BE AROUND SOMEONE WHO IS TROUBLED AND MAKES UP VICIOUS STORIES WHICH ARE MEANT TO HURT AND DISCREDIT INNOCENT PEOPLE!! ANYONE- who engages in such behavior- fabricating stories simply to hurt- intimidate or discredit another person: is basically a no good piece of slime/ and also extremely immature!! Do you hear that Darren Darling Dear???============================================================================================================= Thanks again ladies! same time next week! Happy Holidays Darren Dear! Don't eat too much!! Ha ha! Funny isn't! I have the plastic surgeons number if you would like to see him.....It may take years for you to look presentable! By baby Damen! Or your new nick name that one of the ladies thought of is "Double Life Darren"!! ============================================================================================================= One of the ladies in attendance at this meeting said she feels a medicine such as "SEROQUIL" Is what Darren Ambler needs. It is an anti-psychotic drug that is supposed to level off ones moods and bring them more into reality.. Darren is so tuned out of reality it isn't even funny..He needs to try this medication/: Anything would be an improvement. Darren Ambler's actions are worse than Bazaar: Sleeping with 65 year old women- taking nude photos of his gross body! He is more than mentally derranged- He should be the poster child for "Mental Illness in America"! ============================================================================================================== It is beyond me and others as to how "Double Life Darren" can exist day to day "Unmedicated"....It was apparent to me he was mentally unbalanced...What is wrong with these other women?? They need to tell this ugky geek that he is mentally F.....ked..up!! ====================================================== Lets hope "Double Life Darren" gets the help he so badly needs: and maybe he will realize he was all wrong in how he treated women as well as his sexual attitudes toward women: He is a sick pup! The scaries part is that "Double Life Darren" through his demented thought process- he convinces himself that he is right and every one else is wrong! Which pretty much says he is hopeless..He will never change. I herard speculation that Darren may have been abused mentally or maybe even sexually as a child....That would certainly explain his odd actions and sexual behavior.

The State: NJ

The Area Code: 215

Comment Heartbrokennow

on 11/22/2016 7:19:58 PM Says

Daniel louis The Cheater:

The Comment: Broke my heart

The State:

The Area Code:

Comment evilearle119

on 11/22/2016 7:02:11 PM Says

Charles Clifton Earle IV The Cheater:

The Comment:

The State: RI

The Area Code: 401

Comment evilearle119

on 11/22/2016 7:00:55 PM Says

Charles Earle The Cheater:

The Comment:

The State: RI

The Area Code: 401

Comment evilearle119

on 11/22/2016 6:59:27 PM Says

Cliff Earle The Cheater:

The Comment:

The State: RI

The Area Code: 401

Comment Brab

on 11/22/2016 6:29:47 PM Says

John Kaunas The Cheater:

The Comment: he ruined my life forever and still doing same with other woman. watch him.

The State:

The Area Code:

Comment Brab

on 11/22/2016 6:26:37 PM Says

John Kaunas The Cheater:

The Comment: cheater, lier, not faithful husband, has millions external affairs

The State:

The Area Code:

Comment lawmanadvise

on 11/22/2016 3:39:12 PM Says

Kelley mayhle The Cheater:

The Comment: When this was first posted it said Sami, and then switched to pissedoffwife. a little law fact for you, you started this site pissedoffwife, if anything Kelley could file suit against for "revenge porn". Second hiring a PI is stupid, all you need is a computer nerd to see where the IP address is coming from! Now most people will not do something like this from their home computer, but it is worth a shot. Third I would file a restraining order against Kelley. This way she would not be able to work near your man. The issue you would have would be as followed? is your man at any way higher up in the company or have any authority over Kelley? if so even if she seduced him, she could have a sexual harassment case against him and the company. it is a shitty situation, I think cheating sucks, I think all this is horrible that it is public. I wish you the best of luck. Your best bet since you started this site is to take it down.

The State:

The Area Code:

Comment Beenplayed52

on 11/22/2016 11:25:30 AM Says

Mel rosado The Cheater:

The Comment: Dates and sleeps with multiple women on the regular. Has many women that all think he is their monogamous partner. Lies, cheats and has no cares for anyone but himself.

The State: FL

The Area Code: 407

Comment Breezyblue21

on 11/22/2016 8:33:18 AM Says

John loftin The Cheater:

The Comment: Im 21 he 48 i wrk hard for me to come hme and him be distant thats not fair to me and him to throw away a condom and say that was on the floor my numbr 9103738471 please help me

The State: NJ

The Area Code: 08401

Comment Laura778

on 11/22/2016 2:35:13 AM Says

Jack Morley The Cheater:

The Comment: Jack now lives in Berlin New Hampshire. All accounts indicate he still continues to expose himself all over town.

The State:

The Area Code:

Comment RayBoughner318

on 11/21/2016 4:03:32 PM Says

Ray Boughner The Cheater:

The Comment: Want to find out if wife is cheating need dates, locations and addresses

The State:

The Area Code:

Comment forhertruths

on 11/21/2016 8:12:47 AM Says

Justin JC Lecaroz The Cheater:

The Comment: JC (as he's called at Capital One) fucks his subordinates. One at Sioux Falls SD (Natalie Moehnke) and one in Richmond (Britt Curtis)and probably a bunch of others that he just never got caught with. Watch out for this guy. He'll tell you anything you want to hear. It has nothing to do with you. He uses women to stroke his ego and callously discards them when they've fulfilled their usefulness. He's been married since 2003 and been with his wife since 1999. He's Narcissism in its purest form. He has 4 kids, and 2 daughters. (Nice example of what kind of husband they should look for right? )

He'll also tell you his wife is crazy and irrational omitting what he did to make her that way. Stay as far away as you can.

The State: VA

The Area Code: 804

Comment mississippi queen

on 11/20/2016 5:50:58 PM Says

Tom jennings The Cheater:

The Comment: this man was hanging with me

told me he was gonna leave his wife back in new York. liar told me he was staying in mississippi for me

up and left one night. then found out he was doing all the women there

smh what a ass. me and him

The State:

The Area Code:

Comment Bugger1

on 11/20/2016 5:01:08 PM Says

Simone Snell The Cheater:

The Comment: She from Branham? I hear she a damn jelly slut. She went after my homegirls Boy Simsnelll? Hoe for sho.

The State:

The Area Code:

Comment pennsylvaniadream

on 11/20/2016 2:39:25 PM Says

Darren Ambler The Cheater:

The Comment: Hello Ladies....

Thanks for your help with the new organiztion.... WAUAABPM/ Women Against Use and Abuse By Psycho Men:...I think we must take a stance against men who pose as nice guys seeking a relationship- when it turns out that they are after sexual fulfillment. How would men like to be used that away.


As I said I am trying to pick up the pieces but it can be difficult. I still can not believe how i was fooled and simply used by a con artist "ugly jerk"....When I learned that I was used and cheated on with a bunch of "garbage" I was beside myself...But the payoff was when I found out Darren Ambler had taken up with an old 62 year old women..That is Perverted and Plain sick- What normal guy under 40 has a filthy sexual affair with a senior citizen with brittle bones and saggy boods and flabby but? Darren Ambler- the nut does! It's so degrading on Darren's part- he must not think much of himself to have a sexual affair with someone who could be his Grandmother.


Shows you what a sick- perverted mind this person has: He probably prefers old flabby women over a young a firm woman- I am sure he can't get a young firm anything- not with that face and that mentally screwed up brain: Guys need to understand if they choose to use a woman for sex- that they better be prepared for the woman to go public with everything. It is a womans right and they should tell.


People like Darren Ambler must understand in the real word/ not Mars where he lives/ but in the real world there are Consequences for bad - decieptful actions: Believe me when peope find out- which I believe they already have: about Darren's secret dirty filthy liasions - they will have zero respect for him and no one will want to be in his company any more-Friends- C0-workers will basically abandon him. Decent people dont want to be associated with "Trash"!

When I think about the fact that at one time i was in bed with a "Psycho" I become frightened and angry- Darrens answer to the lies and deciept is just keep your mouth shut and don't tell anyone because they may think ill of him- Too bad Darren Darling- they should think ill of you: Go tell everyone whatever you want about me or my girlfriends- that sounds immature and girlish which is what you are:


Darren dear- you heard the saying " you made your bed" now you must lie in it"- We (the ladies) would like to know?? How long does it take to bring an old woman to climax- you are expert in that dept: Did she know you had a sex obsessive disorder? or was she suffering from dementia? If she was they could be considered "Elder Abuse"!


I don't know how anyone could go with hookers? they are lowest form of life there is: I guess desperation pushes a person to do anything for sex: Any way- Darren you can attend our meeting if you wish - it s all females- you should have a ball: you would blend right in:


First we tell about our experiences- in which I will certainly tell them every filthy detail about us - then refreshments: then more stories: I can't wait: Give me the 62 year old's number i will gladly invite her:


Hopefully "our Strong Voices" will alert the public and vulnerable women out there that could possibly be taken advantage of by Darren Ambler in the future; it is our duty: Sorry Darren Sweetheart: your womanizing- playboy days are nearing an end: hope you had plenty of fun while it lasted: your homely geek- creep: You are lousy in bed- that does not improve with age- it is a skill that you will never have: Meeting Wednesday night: we need to push our cause and get more women to join!


The State: NJ

The Area Code: 215

Comment fuliar

on 11/20/2016 12:14:45 PM Says

David Swindle The Cheater:

The Comment: His number is 8702565608. Hers is 8706609033. They are running a con game searching out victims daily.

The State: AK

The Area Code: 870

Comment Adavidson83

on 11/19/2016 4:20:22 PM Says

Blaque Allen Kuchel The Cheater:

The Comment: Blaque Kuchel from Argos, Indiana enjoys texting pictures of his member. His phone number is 574 540 3310.

The State: IN

The Area Code: 574

Comment Catchingu1234

on 11/19/2016 12:43:37 AM Says

Will The Cheater:

The Comment:

The State: MD

The Area Code: 443

Comment Fuckinsami

on 11/18/2016 11:24:02 AM Says

Kelley mayhle The Cheater:

The Comment: I would love to fuck Sami, she is one fine piece of ass. I would love to see pictures or videos of her, I would pay for that shit. Damn I would love to fuck her ass! Shit! If she wants to get more revenge I would treat her real good.

The State:

The Area Code:

Comment landoffreedom

on 11/18/2016 10:29:24 AM Says

Andrea Windsheimer The Cheater:

The Comment: Biggest liar, hoe, steroid using shehe........will fuck anything that walks......watch your husbands ladies she will fuck them....she travels..so no one is safe!

The State: PA

The Area Code: 412

Comment Dice

on 11/18/2016 8:40:44 AM Says

Mea Whitmore The Cheater:

The Comment: Cheater/Headcase

Be carful she can be violent.

The State: TX

The Area Code: 210

Comment Redkoala77

on 11/18/2016 7:18:38 AM Says

Amanda Leigh August Parker The Cheater:

The Comment:

Amanda Leigh August Parker helps present:

Narcissism, Sociopathy, Psychopathy (disorders) and the covert types of shit they get into. Covert narcissism as the focus.

Hey. You!

Know your emotional abuser!

Are you dealing with a narcissist?

Have you known and trusted someone for years only to finally and painfully wake up to the fact that you’ve been the victim of their extreme narcissistic tendencies?

Are you ashamed to have been fooled by a person who looks so perfect and innocent on the outside, that it’s hard to accept the truth – that you have been used to fuel their narcissistic supply?

For your own sanity, accept what has happened and move on because the person you thought you knew doesn’t exist, all there ever was, was a monster behind a mask. A boring monster.

Rawr. Zzz. Rawr.

What is Narcissism? Really though.

Narcissism is more common than we think and to some extent, we all have a narcissistic streak in us, in fact, in moderate doses it can actually be healthy, contributing to self respect, providing a little ego boost when we need it and a little gratification here and there, but for most part, most of us are stable. By contrast, too little can result in low self love and low self esteem.

Too much narcissism is not healthy though it is destructive, to narcissists themselves and those who are close to them. Extreme narcissistic individuals think that the whole world revolves around them, hiding their egoistic self and self hatred with confidence and skill.

Unfortunately our ignorance about extreme narcissism makes it difficult to spot the extreme male and female narcissists who sneak into our lives! So, do you think you know an extreme narcissist and what are the signs that indicate you may be dealing with one?

There are two types of extreme narcissists – overt and covert and some are easier to spot than others.

Overt narcissists are more common and much easier to spot, they externalise their arrogance, are outwardly demanding and display extreme character traits and their confrontational communication style does not go unnoticed!

Usually loud or annoying an extreme and seem to hog the air.

Most close to them know the persons problem and their behaviors. There's often times an unspoken chant of “screw that jerk” where they congregate. Poor loud narcissists. Sort of cute actually!

Covert narcissists by contrast, are wolves in sheep’s clothing and are the most tricky and perhaps most dangerous sort so let’s focus on them. Covert narcissists are underhanded, deceptive and act behind the scenes. They pretend to be lovers, givers, altruistic, loyal and kind.

Think: “giving” but you'll have to see or hear about it somehow. Will donate or serve the poor but.. Not silently. May even exploit the less fortunate.


These bowls of evacuate ain't gottem.

These individuals are projecting to the outside world a calm and patient mirror but on the inside, they are as deeply selfish and narcissistic as overt narcissists.

Wonder if they aren't more so since they have to work more to conc… Ah screw that. Anyway.

Both overt and covert narcissists have grandiose fantasies, feel entitled and exploit and abuse people but the main difference between overt and covert narcissists is that unlike overt narcissists, covert narcissists know that showing or displaying their true self will get in the way of achieving the power, recognition and the self centered success they crave.

They worry a lot about their lies being found out and are very vulnerable to stress but unlike overt narcissists, they don’t believe themselves, what they want others to believe about them. Covert narcissists don’t possess the confidence levels of overt narcissists and are prone to feeling guilty about thinking they could ever be something they know they can’t. They put up emotional barriers and try their best to suppress these feelings and not expose them to the outside world. They don’t feel guilty, however, about hurting others so in that sense they are the same as overt narcissists. They are still very competitive, conscious of their actions and calculated in their actions.

How to recognize them?

Only surefire way is to have a personal relationship with them, because covert narcissists can’t hide forever from those who are personally involved with them but despite that it can take a long time before their cover is blown.

Sucks. Really. Gotta get near them to appropriately observe and prepare for them?

That's life, suck it up buttercup. You got this.

Tactics. The toxic toolbox.

Toxic people such as malignant narcissists, psychopaths and those with antisocial traits engage in maladaptive behaviors in relationships that ultimately exploit, demean and hurt their intimate partners, family members and friends. They use a plethora of diversionary tactics that distort the reality of their victims and deflect responsibility. Although those who are not narcissistic can employ these tactics as well, abusive narcissists use these to an excessive extent in an effort to escape accountability for their actions.

Here are the 20 diversionary tactics toxic people use to silence and degrade you.

1. Gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that can be described in different variations of three words: “That didn’t happen,” “You imagined it,” and “Are you crazy?” Gaslighting is perhaps one of the most insidious manipulative tactics out there because it works to distort and erode your sense of reality; it eats away at your ability to trust yourself and inevitably disables you from feeling justified in calling out abuse and mistreatment.

When a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath gaslights you, you may be prone to gaslighting yourself as a way to reconcile the cognitive dissonance that might arise. Two conflicting beliefs battle it out: is this person right or can I trust what I experienced? A manipulative person will convince you that the former is an inevitable truth while the latter is a sign of dysfunction on your end.

In order to resist gaslighting, it’s important to ground yourself in your own reality – sometimes writing things down as they happened, telling a friend or reiterating your experience to a support network can help to counteract the gaslighting effect. The power of having a validating community is that it can redirect you from the distorted reality of a malignant person and back to your own inner guidance.

2. Projection.

One sure sign of toxicity is when a person is chronically unwilling to see his or her own shortcomings and uses everything in their power to avoid being held accountable for them. This is known as projection. Projection is a defense mechanism used to displace responsibility of one’s negative behavior and traits by attributing them to someone else. It ultimately acts as a digression that avoids ownership and accountability.

While we all engage in projection to some extent, according to Narcissistic Personality clinical expert Dr. Martinez-Lewi, the projections of a narcissist are often psychologically abusive. Rather than acknowledge their own flaws, imperfections and wrongdoings, malignant narcissists and sociopaths opt to dump their own traits on their unsuspecting suspects in a way that is painful and excessively cruel. Instead of admitting that self-improvement may be in order, they would prefer that their victims take responsibility for their behavior and feel ashamed of themselves. This is a way for a narcissist to project any toxic shame they have about themselves onto another.

For example, a person who engages in pathological lying may accuse their partner of fibbing; a needy spouse may call their husband “clingy” in an attempt to depict them as the one who is dependent; a rude employee may call their boss ineffective in an effort to escape the truth about their own productivity.

Narcissistic abusers love to play the “blameshifting game.” Objectives of the game: they win, you lose, and you or the world at large is blamed for everything that’s wrong with them. This way, you get to babysit their fragile ego while you’re thrust into a sea of self-doubt. Fun, right?

Solution? Don’t “project” your own sense of compassion or empathy onto a toxic person and don’t own any of the toxic person’s projections either. As manipulation expert and author Dr. George Simon (2010) notes in his book In Sheep’s Clothing, projecting our own conscience and value system onto others has the potential consequence of being met with further exploitation.

Narcissists on the extreme end of the spectrum usually have no interest in self-insight or change. It’s important to cut ties and end interactions with toxic people as soon as possible so you can get centered in your own reality and validate your own identity. You don’t have to live in someone else’s cesspool of dysfunction.

3. Nonsensical conversations from hell.

If you think you’re going to have a thoughtful discussion with someone who is toxic, be prepared for epic mindfuckery rather than conversational mindfulness.

Malignant narcissists and sociopaths use word salad, circular conversations, ad hominem arguments, projection and gaslighting to disorient you and get you off track should you ever disagree with them or challenge them in any way. They do this in order to discredit, confuse and frustrate you, distract you from the main problem and make you feel guilty for being a human being with actual thoughts and feelings that might differ from their own. In their eyes, you are the problem if you happen to exist.

Spend even ten minutes arguing with a toxic narcissist and you’ll find yourself wondering how the argument even began at all. You simply disagreed with them about their absurd claim that the sky is red and now your entire childhood, family, friends, career and lifestyle choices have come under attack. That is because your disagreement picked at their false belief that they are omnipotent and omniscient, resulting in a narcissistic injury.

Remember: toxic people don’t argue with you, they essentially argue with themselves and you become privy to their long, draining monologues. They thrive off the drama and they live for it. Each and every time you attempt to provide a point that counters their ridiculous assertions, you feed them supply. Don’t feed the narcissists supply – rather, supply yourself with the confirmation that their abusive behavior is the problem, not you. Cut the interaction short as soon as you anticipate it escalating and use your energy on some decadent self-care instead.

4. Blanket statements and generalizations.

Malignant narcissists aren’t always intellectual masterminds – many of them are intellectually lazy. Rather than taking the time to carefully consider a different perspective, they generalize anything and everything you say, making blanket statements that don’t acknowledge the nuances in your argument or take into account the multiple perspectives you’ve paid homage to. Better yet, why not put a label on you that dismisses your perspective altogether?

On a larger scale, generalizations and blanket statements invalidate experiences that don’t fit in the unsupported assumptions, schemas and stereotypes of society; they are also used to maintain the status quo. This form of digression exaggerates one perspective to the point where a social justice issue can become completely obscured. For example, rape accusations against well-liked figures are often met with the reminder that there are false reports of rape that occur. While those do occur, they are rare, and in this case, the actions of one become labeled the behavior of the majority while the specific report itself remains unaddressed.

These everyday microaggressions also happen in toxic relationships. If you bring up to a narcissistic abuser that their behavior is unacceptable for example, they will often make blanket generalizations about your hypersensitivity or make a generalization such as, “You are never satisfied,” or “You’re always too sensitive” rather than addressing the real issues at hand. It’s possible that you are oversensitive at times, but it is also possible that the abuser is also insensitive and cruel the majority of the time.

Hold onto your truth and resist generalizing statements by realizing that they are in fact forms of black and white illogical thinking. Toxic people wielding blanket statements do not represent the full richness of experience – they represent the limited one of their singular experience and overinflated sense of self.

5. Deliberately misrepresenting your thoughts and feelings to the point of absurdity.

In the hands of a malignant narcissist or sociopath, your differing opinions, legitimate emotions and lived experiences get translated into character flaws and evidence of your irrationality.

Narcissists weave tall tales to reframe what you’re actually saying as a way to make your opinions look absurd or heinous. Let’s say you bring up the fact that you’re unhappy with the way a toxic friend is speaking to you. In response, he or she may put words in your mouth, saying, “Oh, so now you’re perfect?” or “So I am a bad person, huh?” when you’ve done nothing but express your feelings. This enables them to invalidate your right to have thoughts and emotions about their inappropriate behavior and instills in you a sense of guilt when you attempt to establish boundaries.

This is also a popular form of diversion and cognitive distortion that is known as “mind reading.” Toxic people often presume they know what you’re thinking and feeling. They chronically jump to conclusions based on their own triggers rather than stepping back to evaluate the situation mindfully. They act accordingly based on their own delusions and fallacies and make no apologies for the harm they cause as a result. Notorious for putting words in your mouth, they depict you as having an intention or outlandish viewpoint you didn’t possess. They accuse you of thinking of them as toxic – even before you’ve gotten the chance to call them out on their behavior – and this also serves as a form of preemptive defense.

Simply stating, “I never said that,” and walking away should the person continue to accuse you of doing or saying something you didn’t can help to set a firm boundary in this type of interaction. So long as the toxic person can blameshift and digress from their own behavior, they have succeeded in convincing you that you should be “shamed” for giving them any sort of realistic feedback.

6. Nitpicking and moving the goal posts.

The difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism is the presence of a personal attack and impossible standards. These so-called “critics” often don’t want to help you improve, they just want to nitpick, pull you down and scapegoat you in any way they can. Abusive narcissists and sociopaths employ a logical fallacy known as “moving the goalposts” in order to ensure that they have every reason to be perpetually dissatisfied with you. This is when, even after you’ve provided all the evidence in the world to validate your argument or taken an action to meet their request, they set up another expectation of you or demand more proof.

Do you have a successful career? The narcissist will then start to pick on why you aren’t a multi-millionaire yet. Did you already fulfill their need to be excessively catered to? Now it’s time to prove that you can also remain “independent.” The goal posts will perpetually change and may not even be related to each other; they don’t have any other point besides making you vie for the narcissist’s approval and validation.

By raising the expectations higher and higher each time or switching them completely, highly manipulative and toxic people are able to instill in you a pervasive sense of unworthiness and of never feeling quite “enough.” By pointing out one irrelevant fact or one thing you did wrong and developing a hyperfocus on it, narcissists get to divert from your strengths and pull you into obsessing over any flaws or weaknesses instead. They get you thinking about the next expectation of theirs you’re going to have to meet – until eventually you’ve bent over backwards trying to fulfill their every need – only to realize it didn’t change the horrific way they treated you.

Don’t get sucked into nitpicking and changing goal posts – if someone chooses to rehash an irrelevant point over and over again to the point where they aren’t acknowledging the work you’ve done to validate your point or satisfy them, their motive isn’t to better understand. It’s to further provoke you into feeling as if you have to constantly prove yourself. Validate and approve of yourself. Know that you are enough and you don’t have to be made to feel constantly deficient or unworthy in some way.

7. Changing the subject to evade accountability.

This type of tactic is what I like to call the “What about me?” syndrome. It is a literal digression from the actual topic that works to redirect attention to a different issue altogether. Narcissists don’t want you to be on the topic of holding them accountable for anything, so they will reroute discussions to benefit them. Complaining about their neglectful parenting? They’ll point out a mistake you committed seven years ago. This type of diversion has no limits in terms of time or subject content, and often begins with a sentence like “What about the time when…”

On a macrolevel, these diversions work to derail discussions that challenge the status quo. A discussion about gay rights, for example, may be derailed quickly by someone who brings in another social justice issue just to distract people from the main argument.

As Tara Moss, author of Speaking Out: A 21st Century Handbook for Women and Girls, notes, specificity is needed in order to resolve and address issues appropriately – that doesn’t mean that the issues that are being brought up don’t matter, it just means that the specific time and place may not be the best context to discuss them.

Don’t be derailed – if someone pulls a switcheroo on you, you can exercise what I call the “broken record” method and continue stating the facts without giving in to their distractions. Redirect their redirection by saying, “That’s not what I am talking about. Let’s stay focused on the real issue.” If they’re not interested, disengage and spend your energy on something more constructive – like not having a debate with someone who has the mental age of a toddler.

8. Covert and overt threats.

Narcissistic abusers and otherwise toxic people feel very threatened when their excessive sense of entitlement, false sense of superiority and grandiose sense of self are challenged in any way. They are prone to making unreasonable demands on others – while punishing you for not living up to their impossible to reach expectations.

Rather than tackle disagreements or compromises maturely, they set out to divert you from your right to have your own identity and perspective by attempting to instill fear in you about the consequences of disagreeing or complying with their demands. To them, any challenge results in an ultimatum and “do this or I’ll do that” becomes their daily mantra.

If someone’s reaction to you setting boundaries or having a differing opinion from your own is to threaten you into submission, whether it’s a thinly veiled threat or an overt admission of what they plan to do, this is a red flag of someone who has a high degree of entitlement and has no plans of compromising. Take threats seriously and show the narcissist you mean business; document threats and report them whenever possible and legally feasible.

9. Name-calling.

Narcissists preemptively blow anything they perceive as a threat to their superiority out of proportion. In their world, only they can ever be right and anyone who dares to say otherwise creates a narcissistic injury that results in narcissistic rage. As Mark Goulston, M.D. asserts, narcissistic rage does not result from low self-esteem but rather a high sense of entitlement and false sense of superiority.

The lowest of the low resort to narcissistic rage in the form of name-calling when they can’t think of a better way to manipulate your opinion or micromanage your emotions. Name-calling is a quick and easy way to put you down, degrade you and insult your intelligence, appearance or behavior while invalidating your right to be a separate person with a right to his or her perspective.

Name-calling can also be used to criticize your beliefs, opinions and insights. A well-researched perspective or informed opinion suddenly becomes “silly” or “idiotic” in the hands of a malignant narcissist or sociopath who feels threatened by it and cannot make a respectful, convincing rebuttal. Rather than target your argument, they target you as a person and seek to undermine your credibility and intelligence in any way they possibly can. It’s important to end any interaction that consists of name-calling and communicate that you won’t tolerate it. Don’t internalize it: realize that they are resorting to name-calling because they are deficient in higher level methods.

10. Destructive conditioning.

Toxic people condition you to associate your strengths, talents, and happy memories with abuse, frustration and disrespect. They do this by sneaking in covert and overt put-downs about the qualities and traits they once idealized as well as sabotaging your goals, ruining celebrations, vacations and holidays.

(An example of this perhaps is upon learning you enjoy building birdhouses to self harm or fall into a feigned depression every time you're back to building those happy houses.

Basic , seems far fetched. But.. They do this. )

They may even isolate you from your friends and family and make you financially dependent upon them. Like Pavlov’s dogs, you’re essentially “trained” over time to become afraid of doing the very things that once made your life fulfilling.

Narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths and otherwise toxic people do this because they wish to divert attention back to themselves and how you’re going to please them. If there is anything outside of them that may threaten their control over your life, they seek to destroy it. They need to be the center of attention at all times. In the idealization phase, you were once the center of a narcissist’s world – now the narcissist becomes the center of yours.

Narcissists are also naturally pathologically envious and don’t want anything to come in between them and their influence over you. Your happiness represents everything they feel they cannot have in their emotionally shallow lives.

Try folks, as I have to remember that when those angry revenge thoughts bubble up early on in recovery.

They really can't have the happy you can.

Sad. Truly.

After all, if you learn that you can get validation, respect and love from other sources besides the toxic person, what’s to keep you from leaving them? To toxic people, a little conditioning can go a long way to keep you walking on eggshells and falling just short of your big dreams.

11. Smear campaigns and stalking.

When toxic types can’t control the way you see yourself, they start to control how others see you; they play the martyr while you’re labeled the toxic one. A smear campaign is a preemptive strike to sabotage your reputation and slander your name so that you won’t have a support network to fall back on lest you decide to detach and cut ties with this toxic person. They may even stalk and harass you or the people you know as a way to supposedly “expose” the truth about you; this exposure acts as a way to hide their own abusive behavior while projecting it onto you.

Some smear campaigns can even work to pit two people or two groups against each other. A victim in an abusive relationship with a narcissist often doesn’t know what’s being said about them during the relationship, but they eventually find out the falsehoods shortly after they’ve been discarded.

Toxic people will gossip behind your back (and in front of your face), slander you to your loved ones or their loved ones, create stories that depict you as the aggressor while they play the victim, and claim that you engaged in the same behaviors that they are afraid you will accuse them of engaging in. They will also methodically, covertly and deliberately abuse you so they can use your reactions as a way to prove that they are the so-called “victims” of your abuse.

The best way to handle a smear campaign is to stay mindful of your reactions and stick to the facts. This is especially pertinent for high-conflict divorces with narcissists who may use your reactions to their provocations against you. Document any form of harassment, cyberbullying or stalking incidents and always speak to your narcissist through a lawyer whenever possible. You may wish to take legal action if you feel the stalking and harassment is getting out of control; finding a lawyer who is well-versed in Narcissistic Personality Disorder is crucial if that’s the case. Your character and integrity will speak for itself when the narcissist’s false mask begins to slip.

12. Love-bombing and devaluation.

Toxic people put you through an idealization phase until you’re sufficiently hooked and invested in beginning a friendship or relationship with you. Then, they begin to devalue you while insulting the very things they admired in the first place. Another variation of this is when a toxic individual puts you on a pedestal while aggressively devaluing and attacking someone else who threatens their sense of superiority.

Narcissistic abusers do this all the time – they devalue their exes to their new partners, and eventually the new partner starts to receive the same sort of mistreatment as the narcissist’s ex-partner. Ultimately what will happen is that you will also be on the receiving end of the same abuse. You will one day be the ex-partner they degrade to their new source of supply. You just don’t know it yet. That’s why it’s important to stay mindful of the love-bombing technique whenever you witness behavior that doesn’t align with the saccharine sweetness a narcissist subjects you to.

As life coach Wendy Powell suggests, slowing things down with people you suspect may be toxic is an important way of combating the love-bombing technique. Be wary of the fact that how a person treats or speaks about someone else could potentially translate into the way they will treat you in the future.

13. Preemptive defense.

When someone stresses the fact that they are a “nice guy” or girl, that you should “trust them” right away or emphasizes their credibility without any provocation from you whatsoever, be wary.

(I wonder then, if “nurse” isn't the best career choice for the Covert toxic. Wonder if our subject has anything to add here.)

Toxic and abusive people overstate their ability to be kind and compassionate. They often tell you that you should “trust” them without first building a solid foundation of trust. They may “perform” a high level of sympathy and empathy at the beginning of your relationship to dupe you, only to unveil their false mask later on. When you see their false mask begins to slip periodically during the devaluation phase of the abuse cycle, the true self is revealed to be terrifyingly cold, callous and contemptuous.

Genuinely nice people rarely have to persistently show off their positive qualities – they exude their warmth more than they talk about it and they know that actions speak volumes more than mere words. They know that trust and respect is a two-way street that requires reciprocity, not repetition.

To counter a preemptive defense, reevaluate why a person may be emphasizing their good qualities. Is it because they think you don’t trust them, or because they know you shouldn’t? Trust actions more than empty words and see how someone’s actions communicate who they are, not who they say they are.

14. Triangulation.

Bringing in the opinion, perspective or suggested threat of another person into the dynamic of an interaction is known as “triangulation.” Often used to validate the toxic person’s abuse while invalidating the victim’s reactions to abuse, triangulation can also work to manufacture love triangles that leave you feeling unhinged and insecure.

Malignant narcissists love to triangulate their significant other with strangers, co-workers, ex-partners, friends and even family members in order to evoke jealousy and uncertainty in you. They also use the opinions of others to validate their point of view.

This is a diversionary tactic meant to pull your attention away from their abusive behavior and into a false image of them as a desirable, sought after person. It also leaves you questioning yourself – if Mary did agree with Tom, doesn’t that mean that you must be wrong? The truth is, narcissists love to “report back” falsehoods about others say about you, when in fact, they are the ones smearing you.

To resist triangulation tactics, realize that whoever the narcissist is triangulating with is also being triangulated by your relationship with the narcissist as well. Everyone is essentially being played by this one person. Reverse “triangulate” the narcissist by gaining support from a third party that is not under the narcissist’s influence – and also by seeking your own validation.

15. Bait and feign innocence.

Toxic individuals lure you into a false sense of security simply to have a platform to showcase their cruelty. Baiting you into a mindless, chaotic argument can escalate into a showdown rather quickly with someone who doesn’t know the meaning of respect. A simple disagreement may bait you into responding politely initially, until it becomes clear that the person has a malicious motive of tearing you down.

By “baiting” you with a seemingly innocuous comment disguised as a rational one, they can then begin to play with you. Remember: narcissistic abusers have learned about your insecurities, the unsettling catchphrases that interrupt your confidence, and the disturbing topics that reenact your wounds – and they use this knowledge maliciously to provoke you. After you’ve fallen for it, hook line and sinker, they’ll stand back and innocently ask whether you’re “okay” and talk about how they didn’t “mean” to agitate you. This faux innocence works to catch you off guard and make you believe that they truly didn’t intend to hurt you, until it happens so often you can’t deny the reality of their malice any longer.

It helps to realize when you’re being baited so you can avoid engaging altogether. Provocative statements, name-calling, hurtful accusations or unsupported generalizations, for example, are common baiting tactics. Your gut instinct can also tell you when you’re being baited – if you feel “off” about a certain comment and continue to feel this way even after it has been expanded on, that’s a sign you may need to take some space to reevaluate the situation before choosing to respond.

16. Boundary testing and hoovering.

Narcissists, sociopaths and otherwise toxic people continually try and test your boundaries to see which ones they can trespass. The more violations they’re able to commit without consequences, the more they’ll push the envelope.

That’s why survivors of emotional as well as physical abuse often experience even more severe incidents of abuse each and every time they go back to their abusers.

Abusers tend to “hoover” their victims back in with sweet promises, fake remorse and empty words of how they are going to change, only to abuse their victims even more horrifically. In the abuser’s sick mind, this boundary testing serves as a punishment for standing up to the abuse and also for being going back to it. When narcissists try to press the emotional reset button, reinforce your boundaries even more strongly rather than backtracking on them.

Remember – highly manipulative people don’t respond to empathy or compassion. They respond to consequences.

17. Aggressive jabs disguised as jokes.

Covert narcissists enjoy making malicious remarks at your expense. These are usually dressed up as “just jokes” so that they can get away with saying appalling things while still maintaining an innocent, cool demeanor. Yet any time you are outraged at an insensitive, harsh remark, you are accused of having no sense of humor. This is a tactic frequently used in verbal abuse.

The contemptuous smirk and sadistic gleam in their eyes gives it away, however – like a predator that plays with its food, a toxic person gains pleasure from hurting you and being able to get away with it. After all, it’s just a joke, right? Wrong. It’s a way to gaslight you into thinking their abuse is a joke – a way to divert from their cruelty and onto your perceived sensitivity. It is important that when this happens, you stand up for yourself and make it clear that you won’t tolerate this type of behavior.

Calling out manipulative people on their covert put-downs may result in further gaslighting from the abuser but maintain your stance that their behavior is not okay and end the interaction immediately if you have to.

18. Condescending sarcasm and patronizing tone.

Belittling and degrading a person is a toxic person’s forte and their tone of voice is only one tool in their toolbox. Sarcasm can be a fun mode of communication when both parties are engaged, but narcissists use it chronically as a way to manipulate you and degrade you. If you in any way react to it, you must be “too sensitive.”

Forget that the toxic person constantly has temper tantrums every time their big bad ego is faced with realistic feedback – the victim is the hypersensitive one, apparently. So long as you’re treated like a child and constantly challenged for expressing yourself, you’ll start to develop a sense of hypervigilance about voicing your thoughts and opinions without reprimand. This self-censorship enables the abuser to put in less work in silencing you, because you begin to silence yourself.

Whenever you are met with a condescending demeanor or tone, call it out firmly and assertively. You don’t deserve to be spoken down to like a child – nor should you ever silence yourself to meet the expectation of someone else’s superiority complex.

19. Shaming.

“You should be ashamed of yourself” is a favorite saying of toxic people. Though it can be used by someone who is non-toxic, in the realm of the narcissist or sociopath, shaming is an effective method that targets any behavior or belief that might challenge a toxic person’s power. It can also be used to destroy and whittle away at a victim’s self-esteem: if a victim dares to be proud of something, shaming the victim for that specific trait, quality or accomplishment can serve to diminish their sense of self and stifle any pride they may have.

Malignant narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths enjoy using your own wounds against you – so they will even shame you about any abuse or injustice you’ve suffered in your lifetime as a way to retraumatize you. Were you a childhood abuse survivor? A malignant narcissist or sociopath will claim that you must’ve done something to deserve it, or brag about their own happy childhood as a way to make you feel deficient and unworthy. What better way to injure you, after all, than to pick at the original wound? As surgeons of madness, they seek to exacerbate wounds, not help heal them.

If you suspect you’re dealing with a toxic person, avoid revealing any of your vulnerabilities or past traumas. Until they’ve proven their character to you, there is no point disclosing information that could be potentially used against you.

20. Control.

Most importantly, toxic abusers love to maintain control in whatever way they can. They isolate you, maintain control over your finances and social networks, and micromanage every facet of your life. Yet the most powerful mechanism they have for control is toying with your emotions.

That’s why abusive narcissists and sociopaths manufacture situations of conflict out of thin air to keep you feeling off center and off balanced. That’s why they chronically engage in disagreements about irrelevant things and rage over perceived slights. That’s why they emotionally withdraw, only to re-idealize you once they start to lose control. That’s why they vacillate between their false self and their true self, so you never get a sense of psychological safety or certainty about who your partner truly is.

The more power they have over your emotions, the less likely you’ll trust your own reality and the truth about the abuse you’re enduring. Knowing the manipulative tactics and how they work to erode your sense of self can arm you with the knowledge of what you’re facing and at the very least, develop a plan to regain control over your own life and away from toxic people.

A commonly average toxic person needs you, more than anything, to doubt yourself.

A non-predatory / non-controlling person trusts you and respects you enough to make your own judgements, opinions, and choices based on truth. Wise trust is hard work for all of us. It is the enemy of the toxic and predatory. They cannot work with truth and mutual respect. Try and empathize with them, even if conceptually. From a distance is my personal preference.

It is not relevant whether they can paint you to be irrational, paranoid, vindictive or insane.

The knowledge is out there. How you use it is your right as a human being.

(Ongoing drafts of this compilation of info on narcissism are inspired by: Nurse Amanda Leigh August Parker. The motivation to research this subject would have dwindled without her or others exactly like her.)

The State: WA

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on 11/17/2016 11:17:30 AM Says

Anna Kay The Cheater:

The Comment: Anna sleeps around with guys for their money! She is a gold digger! If you date make sure you know its only a short term thing as she will always be searching for other guys thats has more money.... She is a scum!

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on 11/17/2016 10:34:22 AM Says

Nabil Ismail BoLee The Cheater:

The Comment: I met this guy and he is nothing like what this girl from California is saying! This girl is from Sandiego and she is a gold digger that will sleep around with guys for their money! When he knew her qualities he dumped her! I know him and her! Nabil is a great genuine man.

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